@DurtMcHurtt: For a mountain to be called Kilimanjaro, it needs to kill at least 1 manjaro.
@DurtMcHurtt: DATE: If you don't stop talking like a phone sex operator I'm gonna leave.
ME: oh yeah? *low raspy voice* ..and then what are you gonna do?
@DurtMcHurtt: Some guys look classy carrying a flask. I look like a degenerate alcoholic, I dunno, maybe it's my trackpants. Who's house is this?
@DurtMcHurtt: COMCAST: have you considered getting with the world's number one selling broadband?
ME: [thinking he meant the Spice Girls] ..all the time.
@DurtMcHurtt: [girl I'm talking to playfully touches my arm] Wait, do that again I wasn't flexing.
@DurtMcHurtt: [eating an entire extra large pizza to myself]
ME: *hears a knock on the door* THIS STALL IS TAKEN.