@DurtMcHurtt: [laying on the hood of a car, gazing at the stars]
I bet zebras make piano sounds when you pet them.
@DurtMcHurtt: [girlfriend in a coma]
*leans in close to whisper* babe, if you can hear me...where the hell did you buy that zesty mayo?
@DurtMcHurtt: [meeting girlfriend at the park]
Her: Surprise! I made us a picnic!
Me: *unfolding emergency bib from wallet* Holy shit let's do this.
@DurtMcHurtt: [first day as a pharmacist]
CUSTOMER: the antacid I took isn't working.
ME: *leans in close* that's cuz you're not an ant..
@DurtMcHurtt: [intensive care]
NURSE: I'll never leave your side, DO YOU HEAR ME?!
ME [patient]: wow, I didn't realize how intense the care was here.
@DurtMcHurtt: I once snuck my cat into a grocery store just to show him what a lazy hunter I am.