SCIENTIST: I’ve written several books on how to cure cancer.
PUBLISHER: would you be willing to curate?
SCIENTIST: ideally, I’d like to cure them all.
Grocery prices are so bad I could only afford “some purpose” flour.
A moment of silence please. Not for anyone in particular, everyone just shut up.
Heavens to Betsy
Betsy to Heavens
Heavens BACK to Betsy
Betsy-GOOOOOAAAALLLLLLLL
Oh we’ve met.
Grocery store puns? Aisle allow it.
I’m a pancake in that I’m attracted to all cakes equally.
Whoever robbed the archery store, take a bow.
*rip*
stupid
*rip*
automatic
*rip*
STOP
*rip*
GIVING
*rip*
ME
*rip*
PAPER
*rip*
TOWELS
*rip*
[the purge alarm blares in the distance]
ME: *adds a 13th item in the express line at the grocery store*
Went to bank robbing school and the teacher told me to take notes.
Don’t you dare stand in my way, that’s my job.
Cutting the mail slot in my door bigger to fit a pizza box.
WIFE: good news hun we’re up this quarter.
ME: oh yeah? How much?
WIFE: *holding up a coin* this quarter.
An umpire pulling out a small broom and sweeping his date’s chair before she sits down.