Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets
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@E_lok44 : My friend used a fancy new charcoal soap and now she looks sketchy.
@E_lok44: Pro tip:
If you really want to make an impact, always have a mouth full of saliva before you "shhh" someone.
@E_lok44: You know that runny food on your plate that touches all the other food? That's you, butting into a conversation.
You're creamed corn.
@E_lok44: "Be a deer, would ya" she says, mounting your head on the wall.
@E_lok44: Feel like you're falling apart? Coming undone? Can't keep it together?
You should have eaten more paste as a child.
@E_lok44: I always carry a megaphone in my purse, in case I wander off and get lost at Costco.
@E_lok44: The world is so overpopulated, it's getting so a girl can't even find a nice, quiet place to yank out her wedgie.
@E_lok44: Coyotes are dangerous, stay away.
If you keep this in mind, you will lessen your chances of being hit by an anvil.
@E_lok44: If a little light yodeling doesn't solve all your problems, then I don't know what to tell yoooo-dooleeOoou.
@E_lok44: Jenga, but it's just me, pulling salad out of my sandwich.