Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of E_lok44's best tweets

@E_lok44 : If a little light yodeling doesn't solve all your problems, then I don't know what to tell yoooo-dooleeOoou.

@E_lok44: Jenga, but it's just me, pulling salad out of my sandwich.

@E_lok44: Don't tell your friend you like her sweater unless you mean it; she might knit you one.

@E_lok44: Hey. Do these camo pants make me look fatigued?

@E_lok44: She had a LITTLE lamb?
No way! I watched Mary make six trips to the buffet.

@E_lok44: No, sweetie. You can't see the moon with vernaculars.

@E_lok44: How to change a baby:
1. Swap it out with a Labrador pup when no one's looking

@E_lok44: "Why can't I just eat the wax?"

~me, when I can't open the cheese

@E_lok44: Me: What kind of stupid phone you got there?
Him: Windows phone
Me: Oh [takes it and lobs it out the window] Yes it is

@E_lok44: married sext...
him: I'll be home soon
her: don't you threaten me