@Eden_Eats: *Rises from ashes like a Phoenix *
*hits snooze, and goes back into ashes for another 9 min *
@Eden_Eats: I hate it when baby boomers are like "your generation is too sensitive!". Like ok, Gail, I'm not the one writing 8 paragraph Yelp reviews because the restaurant was painted a color you didn't like.
@Eden_Eats: Thrilled I bought a 55" screen so I can listen to it while I stare at a 4" screen.
@Eden_Eats: Cashier: Your total is $3,896
Me: Can you take off the replacement razor blades?
Cashier: OK, that'll be $2.99
@Eden_Eats: The worst thing about millennial parents is that they name their pets human names and their kids pet names. They be like:
"Luna, don't take Josh's cone off, he just got spayed!".
@Eden_Eats: SECURITY GUARD: You can't bring outside food in here.
ME: This is a service burrito.