Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of ElleOhHell's best tweets

@ElleOhHell : I'll bet when Godzilla first came out, God was like "Damn, that name's way cooler."

@ElleOhHell: The first 600 years or so of heaven is just harp lessons

@ElleOhHell: A great way to make people nervous is to tell them where the bathroom is without their asking.

@ElleOhHell: He's GUILTY! KILL HIM! Inject poison DIRECTLY INTO HIS VEINS!
But first give him whatever he wants to eat; we're not savages.

@ElleOhHell: Are there a lot of abbreviations for Maine or is it just ME?

@ElleOhHell: [Beauty and the Beast, Tinder Edition]
BELLE: *swipes left*

[credits]

@ElleOhHell: UNCLE: Officers weren't even safe from their own men in Vietnam.
ME: I've just decided it's too hard to zoom in on any more dogs' noses.

@ElleOhHell: HORSE WEARING EARBUDS: *walks into bar*
BARTENDER: Why the long fa--
HORSE: CAN I GET AN APPLETINI?

@ElleOhHell: *discovering flying dinosaur*
PALEONTOLOGIST: We'll call it pterodactyl, for "wing fingers"
ME: *crumples up note that says skynosaur*

@ElleOhHell: Raise your hand if this is your first time under a helicopter. Ah, sorry to make an example of you Johnson, but that's why we never do that.