Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of EvilSchwartzie's best tweets

@EvilSchwartzie : In the interest of improving the workplace, my company has put up signs that say: CAUTION. OPEN DOORS SLOWLY. My best time so far is 7 min.

@EvilSchwartzie: The police get mad at you if you try to marry a squirrel. Even if you're pretty sure it's a girl squirrel.