Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of EyeSeeYou619's best tweets

@EyeSeeYou619 : ME: Hello cheesecake, my old friend DARKNESS: Okay wow, I'm right here

@EyeSeeYou619: WARNING: There isn't nearly as much beer in the wilderness as Coors commercials lead one to believe.

@EyeSeeYou619: I do a spot-on impersonation of Linda Blair in The Exorcist whenever a drive-thru cashier asks me to pull ahead bc my order isn't ready.

@EyeSeeYou619: "Screw it, I'm a mermaid now"

~ me, after accidentally putting both legs in the same side of my goddamn sweatpants

@EyeSeeYou619: Sometimes I open the refrigerator door with my foot just to impress my dog.

@EyeSeeYou619: ME: Since Tatooine has 2 suns shouldn't Luke Skywalker cast 2 shadows?
GEORGE LUCAS:*pressing intercom* Security, she's in the house again.

@EyeSeeYou619: I like to weed out the riffraff in the bar by playing $37 worth of David Bowie songs on the jukebox.

@EyeSeeYou619: [country music plays in elevator]

ME: I hate Toby Keith
HIM: This isn't Toby Keith
ME:(leans into his face) I don't give a shit who this is

@EyeSeeYou619: Having a bummer day? Here's an out of context Spider-man comic book scene that made me laugh.

@EyeSeeYou619: [first date]
HIM: So how was your OMG did you just pull a hot sauce packet out of your bra