Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of EyeSeeYou619's best tweets

@EyeSeeYou619 : HIM: it's not necessary to say "testing 1-2-3" into the microphone every time. do you understand? ME: check-check. yes, your honor.

@EyeSeeYou619: [First Date]

HIM: So, you like Star Wars.
ME: *sipping soup thru a bendy straw so I don't have to take off my C-3PO mask* *shakes head yes*

@EyeSeeYou619: I want to be rich enough that when complimented on my Star Wars t-shirt I can give it to them revealing the exact same t-shirt underneath.

@EyeSeeYou619: ME: Hello cheesecake, my old friend
DARKNESS: Okay wow, I'm right here

@EyeSeeYou619: WARNING: There isn't nearly as much beer in the wilderness as Coors commercials lead one to believe.

@EyeSeeYou619: I do a spot-on impersonation of Linda Blair in The Exorcist whenever a drive-thru cashier asks me to pull ahead bc my order isn't ready.

@EyeSeeYou619: "Screw it, I'm a mermaid now"

~ me, after accidentally putting both legs in the same side of my goddamn sweatpants

@EyeSeeYou619: Sometimes I open the refrigerator door with my foot just to impress my dog.

@EyeSeeYou619: ME: Since Tatooine has 2 suns shouldn't Luke Skywalker cast 2 shadows?
GEORGE LUCAS:*pressing intercom* Security, she's in the house again.

@EyeSeeYou619: I like to weed out the riffraff in the bar by playing $37 worth of David Bowie songs on the jukebox.