Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of FeralCrone's best tweets

@FeralCrone : A kid at the park said a giant hemorrhoid is heading toward Earth. I know he misspoke but in the closing days of 2016 one can't be too sure.

@FeralCrone: *tucks an errant lock of my gynecologist's hair behind her ear with my toes*

@FeralCrone: 4yo son said the word prototype. When I asked him what it meant, he said "People are a prototype" and I was too scared to ask what he meant.

@FeralCrone: I'm wearing black with navy blue today. Fight me. Any bruising will only serve to tie it all together.

@FeralCrone: I said I was mad at myself.
My 4yo son looked at me. "There are fancier words for mad," he said, fixing my hair. "You should say irritated."

@FeralCrone: An alien makes contact. I take it home, give it a sandwich. Then ice cream. And then, to show we're an advanced race, an ice cream sandwich.

@FeralCrone: Listen, you should really give your mother a call. She's concerned that "the haters" in her Zumba class are organizing and gaining power.