Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets
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@Fickle_Filly : Me:
1. Talking cats
2. Real lightsabers
3. Cars that fire missiles
Genie: Put me back in the bottle and give me to someone normal.
@Fickle_Filly: The puffer fish spends days creating a beautiful boudoir in which to lure a mate and I just want a man who can load the dishwasher properly.
@Fickle_Filly: [first date]
Him: Let's take the stairs!
Me: I think we should see other people.
@Fickle_Filly: If I'm carrying a torch for you it's only because I want to set you on fire.
@Fickle_Filly: It wouldn't be appropriate for me to comment further but that's not going to stop me.
@Fickle_Filly: Predator taking off his mask, but it's me removing the filters from my selfies.
@Fickle_Filly: I enjoy reading, long walks on the beach, and getting myself into situations where the only way out is to fake my own death.
@Fickle_Filly: Sorry I dressed up like Captain Caveman when you asked me if I wanted to go clubbing.
@Fickle_Filly: Colleagues who feel the need to say "You either love me or hate me!" are oblivious to the fact that it's always the latter.
@Fickle_Filly: Losing your spouse can be hard.
But it's not impossible.