Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of FloodyHippie's best tweets

@FloodyHippie : My cat was bitten by a squirrel and I have to suck the rabies out before she slips into a double cheese burger. --how I cancel dates

@FloodyHippie: Money doesn't impress me. You know what does? Treehouses.

@FloodyHippie: Hey, baby, you wanna come back to my place, and become a famous murder victim?

@FloodyHippie: I support Greenpeace because I care about environmental activism, just not enough to do any of the real work myself.

@FloodyHippie: Emma Stone is my girlfriend. Nobody tell her, though. I want it to be a surprise.

@FloodyHippie: As a Californian, the most frightening thing about the movie Psycho, is the thought of leaving the shower water running for that long.

@FloodyHippie: A zombie jumped out at me, in a haunted house, but he didn't scare me. He did, however, catch my elbow in his face.

@FloodyHippie: I only wear dresses on sad occasions, like funerals and weddings.

@FloodyHippie: You look like the type of person who would try to write a check for a drug deal.