Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of freudianscript's best tweets

@freudianscript : Welcome to twitter- Please stand by, someone will disagree with you shortly.

@freudianscript: I'm not here to fix your problems, i'm here to set an example of what happens when your problems don't get fixed.

@Freudianscript: *I'm a gift to mankind.*

Mankind- I'd like to exchange this please.

@Freudianscript: I just saved a bunch of money on fireworks by telling my wife to calm down.

@Freudianscript: When speaking to your wife, always end with, "but i could be wrong," this way when she says you're wrong, you'll be right for a change.

@Freudianscript: I'm not real good at talking my way out of trouble, since it's the talking that got me in to trouble in the first place.

@Freudianscript: I need to start paying more attention when i'm talking to myself.

@Freudianscript: When life gives you lemons.....

Facebook makes lemonade.
Twitter Makes Martinis.

@Freudianscript: Killing someone with kindness is one way to prove you expect nothing in return for your kindness.