Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of FunkyFresh_79's best tweets

@FunkyFresh_79 : [runs inside of a gas station] "I NEED TO USE YOUR BATHROOM! IT'S AN EMERGENCY!" *takes a selfie in the bathroom mirror for an IG # game

@FunkyFresh_79: "I JUST WANT TO PUT A BABY IN YOU!"

-me, trying to put a crib together

@FunkyFresh_79: [Star Wars Episode VII scene]

Princess Leia: I love you Han.

Han Solo: *favs but doesn't reply*

@FunkyFresh_79: Greatest days of my life:
3) Day I got married
2) Day my first kid was born
1) Day Facebook let you turn off notifications for their games

@FunkyFresh_79: [on a first date]

Ok, don't let her know you're really a squirrel...

Her: I had a great time, good night!

Me: *runs in front of her car

@FunkyFresh_79: Ways to win my heart:
1) Be cute
2) Be kind
3) Be cheesecake

@FunkyFresh_79: Cinco De Mayo
Cinco De Ketchup
Cinco De Mustard
Cinco De Siracha
Cinco De Ranch Dressing

@FunkyFresh_79: Operator: 911 what's your emergency?

Me: PEOPLE ARE TAGGING ME IN PICTURES ON FACEBOOK AND I'M NOT EVEN IN THEM!