Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of GlennyRodge's best tweets

@GlennyRodge : Daddy bear: my porridge is too hot. Mummy bear: my porridge is too cold. Baby bear: aren't we supposed to eat fish?

@GlennyRodge: COMPUTER: Enter password

ME: [types '14days']

COMPUTER: Your password is two week

ME: Uh?

COMPUTER: Computer do joke. Computer funny.

@GlennyRodge: A horse walks into a bar. The batman asks "why the long..." "wait a minute, did you see that typo?" interrupts the horse.

@GlennyRodge: Whenever I left a door open, my mum would ask if I was born in a barn, which is odd because you'd think she'd remember something like that.

@GlennyRodge: Just tried a kids meal in McDonald's. Unfortunately, her dad chased me away before I got any of her chips.

@GlennyRodge: My bear's diarrhoea problems are starting to worry me. The vet says he's getting better but he's not out of the woods yet.

@GlennyRodge: "Do you like Tolstoy?"
"Of course. Who doesn't?"
"What's your favourite book?"
"The one where Woody is kidnapped & Buzz tries to save him".

@GlennyRodge: "ENTER PASSWORD"
*types 'snowflake'*
*types 'snowflake'*

@GlennyRodge: "My dog's learning to speak a foreign language."
"No, he's a labrador."