@Godhatespants: Actual air attendant:
"Secure your mask before helping your kids.if you have multiple, pick the one with the highest earning potential 1st"
@Godhatespants: Him: drink?
Me: I have a boyfriend
Him: I have a goldfish
Him: I thought we were talking about shit that don't matter
@Godhatespants: Just heard a 15 year old call an autobiography a word selfie
*points finger gun at mouth*