Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of GrandadJFreeman's best tweets

@GrandadJFreeman : *painting your nails* one hand : perfect. other hand : looks like a blind cat did it.

@GrandadJFreeman: Me: For Christmas I want a girlfriend/boyfriend Santa: Let's be realistic lol

@GrandadJFreeman: I hate when new parents ask who the baby looks like. It was born 15 minutes ago, it looks like a potato.

@GrandadJFreeman: "Hey babe, you smell that?" "No." "Me neither, start cooking."

@GrandadJFreeman: Girls are like police. Even when they get a hold of all the evidence, they still want to hear the truth from you...

@GrandadJFreeman: In 1911: Dracula used to drink virgin girls blood ... In 2012: he died of hunger.

@GrandadJFreeman: My favorite part of The Lion King is the part where Nicki Minaj held up baby Simba.