Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of GreenishDuck's best tweets

@GreenishDuck : Before Google, people had to go out in the alley and yell "WHAT'S THE NAME OF THE MONKEY FROM ALADDIN?" until they got some answers.

@GreenishDuck: Don't let the door hit you on the way out!
*guy looks back and laughs, the door punches him in the back of the head*

@GreenishDuck: I threw a parking cone at someone. I am the drunkest person in the United states.

@GreenishDuck: You're on your deathbed. You gather the strength to utter your last words "Boxers with pockets," you say. "You'll never have to wear pants."

@GreenishDuck: You can lead a horse to water and if he walks on it congratulations you found horse jesus.

@GreenishDuck: One day a guy named Matt banged a waitress and nine months later a mattress was born haha just messin around on this website.

@GreenishDuck: You know that one cow in the field that's like 200 yards away from all his cow friends just doing his own thing? That's me. I am that cow.

@GreenishDuck: Can't believe a woman would grow a life inside of her for 9 months and then name it Ian.

@GreenishDuck: People with little chains that go from a nose piercing to an earring probably just got sick of losing their ears.

@GreenishDuck: You get home from work early. You walk into the kitchen and your dog is peeling a potato. Startled, she yells "IT'S JUST A POTATO!"
#ambien