Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of HLFHM's best tweets

@HLFHM : When my family makes me mad, I make them eat quinoa. I am drunk with power

@HLFHM: Diet day 1: kale, kale everywhere

Diet day 1.5: snorting powdered sugar off of a Dairy Queen flyer while flipping pancakes

@HLFHM: How to get rid of a ghost:

-Toss balloons full of holy water at it

-Get clingy with it (ie: "where the fuck were you last night I waited up and made us alfredo, how dare you!" Sob hysterically)

-Tell it about how you get to be your own boss as an essential oils distributor