Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of HatfieldAnne's best tweets

@HatfieldAnne : Don't hand me the good china. That's a leap of faith you'll regret.

@HatfieldAnne: My mother’s relationship with waitstaff assumes that the menu is an enemy code they’ll decrypt together.

@HatfieldAnne: Look out. The Guest Who Wants to Help in the Kitchen has arrived. She is me and she does nothing well.

@HatfieldAnne: By the time I say “secondly,” I’m scrambling to come up with what’s “thirdly.”

@HatfieldAnne: No, give me the blue mittens for shoveling. The red ones are for scandal.

@HatfieldAnne: Watch my hands when I say “latitude” or “longitude.” It's as much for my benefit as yours.

@HatfieldAnne: What I learned: the neighbors’ dog is not the neighbors’ dog

Why it's important: the number of times I've put the dog back in their yard

@HatfieldAnne: “He'll regret that shot till he's screaming on his deathbed.” British golf commentary. It's the reason I'm a fan.

@HatfieldAnne: Pretending that you're feeding the garbage disposal like a hungry baby bird does not hurt anyone.

@HatfieldAnne: Any animal that has a face CAN SPEAK. They're just being stubborn.