@HatfieldAnne: The lawn guy asks to use my bathroom. A flicker of doubt. Is it safe to have a stranger in my house? Do I put out the fancy soap?
@HatfieldAnne: TV chef warns against “over vegetablizing” a sandwich. I lean in closely, hoping he’s also against “under buttering” everything else.
@HatfieldAnne: My mother had a cure for slouching. I still flinch when there's movement in my periphery, but I've got posture like a Marine.
@HatfieldAnne: “Service Dog, Do Not Pet.” We're sure this means me? Should we ask the dog? We should ask the dog.
@HatfieldAnne: “IN my period? ON my period? Ooo…maybe use ‘menses’ instead?”
I chew my pen thoughtfully. You can't rush a good jury duty excuse letter.
@HatfieldAnne: I feel like movies exaggerate men’s enthusiasm for having meaningful conversations while playing pool.
@HatfieldAnne: Um, guys, whaddya do with a 5 y.o. at an aquarium who's hysterical because she sees Dory in a tank and I kind of need to know right now.
@HatfieldAnne: The orthodontist says I'm doing a “super job” wearing my retainers. All this really means is that I'm able to put things in my mouth.
@HatfieldAnne: “Keep pumping until something happens.”
-Home Depot guy teaching me to prime the snow blower says the first thing I've understood.