Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of HatfieldAnne's best tweets

@HatfieldAnne : Any animal that has a face CAN SPEAK. They're just being stubborn.

@HatfieldAnne: It's time this new baby of yours pulled her weight around here. She's been freeloading for what? two weeks now?

@HatfieldAnne: Any other person cuts their thumb: “Expletive!”

Me, a Catholic person: “Expletive! To thee do we cry, poor banished children of Eve!”

@HatfieldAnne: A garlic dill pickle is not for the unprepared. First, do you carry a toothbrush in your purse?

@HatfieldAnne: Welp, there’s definitely something writhing under your porch. I won’t know ‘til I get in there whether we need to set traps or call the diocese.

@HatfieldAnne: Eyebrows tangled with the fury of a thousand Scottish grandfathers.

@HatfieldAnne: The volume of your sneeze determines the volume of my bless you.

@HatfieldAnne: Just because you didn't say "thank you" doesn't mean I'm won't say "you're welcome." No need for us both to behave the way you were raised.

@HatfieldAnne: If someone tells me "don't be surprised if we find a body" I'm going to be many other emotions first.

@HatfieldAnne: To the Canada goose standing on one leg I watched for six minutes to make sure you had two legs: you sure took your sweet time about it