@HatfieldAnne: How far did I walk away from the sink when I was brushing my teeth? As always, too far.
@HatfieldAnne: If I'm reading this DNA report correctly, the thin lines here and the thick lines over here mean nothing is my fault.
@HatfieldAnne: These baby cardinals are thugs. They muscle all the other birds away from the feeder. I saw one put out a cigarette in a blue jay’s eye.
@HatfieldAnne: This recipe calls for half an onion, which presumes I have a plan for the other half of the onion, which means the recipe is getting the whole onion.
@HatfieldAnne: You've ripped the husband stick figure off your minivan, but also the cat stick figure. This is a story I want to hear.
@HatfieldAnne: Get a red wallet that perfectly matches the red interior of your purse and have mini heart attacks every time you go to pay for something.
@HatfieldAnne: The concept of a sister wife doesn’t bother me so much as the fact there’d be one more person in my damn way this morning.
@HatfieldAnne: So it turns out we were both wrong, but the important thing to remember is you were more wrong.
@HatfieldAnne: Don’t watch nature documentaries with me unless you want more information than the narration provides.