Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of HatfieldAnne's best tweets

@HatfieldAnne : Jaguar or leopard, it's not going to matter in about two leaps.

@HatfieldAnne: When you played marbles, the only goal was to win more marbles. No one asked stupid questions like why’d you want more marbles.

@HatfieldAnne: We operate by one simple rule: if you smell it and you think it's gone bad, I believe you. Further testing (by me) is unnecessary.

@HatfieldAnne: If my eyes dart left, it means I don't understand you. If my eyes dart right, it means there's a tray of those mini sandwiches I like.

@HatfieldAnne: Why do I say “no” to necklaces? Oh, I dunno, maybe it's because I’m not gonna do fully 50% of a strangler’s job for him.

@HatfieldAnne: It’s called a charm offensive. I'm like the softest baby bunny who doesn’t respect you.

@HatfieldAnne: You kids and your fancy Google searches. This World Book Encyclopedia got me through all six years of high school.

@HatfieldAnne: If anyone needs some trash burned, I have an oil drum and an unsettling expression that might be a smile.

@HatfieldAnne: If that's what meditation is doing for you, WOW! Mostly, I just get itchy.

@HatfieldAnne: Want air conditioning on the shuttle bus? Open a window, Your Majesty.