Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of HavocMantis's best tweets

@HavocMantis : *repeatedly tries to explain Sisyphus to classmates who have apparently never heard of him* I wish you guys could get how ironic this is.

@HavocMantis: Sticks and stones may break my bones
but words can SUMMON DEMONS

@HavocMantis: Whenever I experience happiness, I signal this to other humans by showing the sharpest part of my skeleton.

@HavocMantis: The homework is due on Monday.
"Can I get an extension?"
The homework is due on Monday.png

@HavocMantis: FACT: When a dog barks at you, it's actually their skeleton barking.

PROOF: I have never seen a dog without a skeleton bark.

@HavocMantis: I had to grease a lot of palms to get to where I am today

*cut to me oiling up tropical trees*

haha excellent

@HavocMantis: *at bank*
I always think it's funny when I go to the bank because my last name is Banks
Teller: "haha. First name?"
*Pulls out gun*
Robin

@HavocMantis: *goes in bank with finger guns*
This is a robbery!
"no one'll take you seriously-"
*switches to double barrel finger guns*
"do what he says"

@HavocMantis: God: "Adam looks kind of lonely down there. What should I do?"

Frog: "ribbit"

God: "haha, alright man"

@HavocMantis: Whenever I work out, I wear a push-up bra so I can do more push-ups. If I didn't, it'd be so embarrassing and people would laugh at me.