Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of HavocMantis's best tweets

@HavocMantis : Me: The cool thing about writing is that you learn a lot about yourself. *learns a lot about myself* Me: aaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

@HavocMantis: I'm a fi-sci writer.
"You mean sci-fi?"
No, fi-sci. Fictional Science. Made-up scholarly articles on monsters, magic, and the like.

@HavocMantis: *repeatedly tries to explain Sisyphus to classmates who have apparently never heard of him*

I wish you guys could get how ironic this is.

@HavocMantis: Sticks and stones may break my bones
but words can SUMMON DEMONS

@HavocMantis: Whenever I experience happiness, I signal this to other humans by showing the sharpest part of my skeleton.

@HavocMantis: The homework is due on Monday.
"Can I get an extension?"
The homework is due on Monday.png

@HavocMantis: FACT: When a dog barks at you, it's actually their skeleton barking.

PROOF: I have never seen a dog without a skeleton bark.

@HavocMantis: I had to grease a lot of palms to get to where I am today

*cut to me oiling up tropical trees*

haha excellent

@HavocMantis: *at bank*
I always think it's funny when I go to the bank because my last name is Banks
Teller: "haha. First name?"
*Pulls out gun*

@HavocMantis: *goes in bank with finger guns*
This is a robbery!
"no one'll take you seriously-"
*switches to double barrel finger guns*
"do what he says"