Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of HonestToddler's best tweets

@HonestToddler : They’re saying I put a stuffed animal in the toilet. Untrue. I sent it on a mission to retrieve my toy cars.

@HonestToddler: So quick to claim someone on your taxes yet so slow to make them a snack.

@HonestToddler: Toddler: I don't like you. *hits*
Adult: I don't like you. *tracks your movements for the rest of your life*

@HonestToddler: If you are what you eat I'm a small family of ladybugs :)

@HonestToddler: Toilet won't stop throwing up. I didn't know it was Legos intolerant. SEND HELP THIS IS NOT A DRILL

@HonestToddler: Parents: It's unfair to put your toddler on a leash if you're not going to also let them pee next to parked cars.

@HonestToddler: Tonight's bedtime story was about three pigs struggling with repeat home invasions. Thanks for the new fear.