Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of House_Feminist's best tweets

@House_Feminist : are we supposed to just accept that gingerbread men live in houses built from the flesh of their fellow men

@House_Feminist: god I wish I was the person I believed I could be when I bought all this produce

@House_Feminist: remember you can close your eyes and imagine a mouse holding a cocktail umbrella walking across a spaghetti noodle tight rope any time you want. no one can stop you

@House_Feminist: Whenever a tweet doesn't do well initially I think "weird, every single person on the internet must be busy right now"

@House_Feminist: It’s fucked up that probably everyone believes their pets share their political views

@House_Feminist: Thanks McDonald’s for adding two order lanes that require everyone to cooperate and merge so I can be driven to a blinding rage and lose faith in humanity all before I get my fries

@House_Feminist: If you want my kids to actually act thankful on Thanksgiving serve kraft mac n cheese, goldfish and apple

@House_Feminist: My friend told me he doesn't believe in having children so now I'm wondering if other people can see mine or if it's just me

@House_Feminist: when swimming in the ocean always wear a hat so you don't get sharks in your hair