Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

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Page of House_Feminist's best tweets

@House_Feminist : [introducing my children] ...and these cuties here are the 3 times I tried sex

@House_Feminist: A lonely rooster sees neon sign flashing HOT CHICKEN STRIPS, walks into Popeyes and cringes in horror as he drops his dollar bills

@House_Feminist: I took my kids' screens away so we could spend some quality time together and it turns out they are really terrible to be around

@House_Feminist: Hey girl are you a new high efficiency dishwasher because you're so quiet it's hard to tell if you're turned on

@House_Feminist: Just when I thought we'd avoided all controversial topics at Thanksgiving dinner my niece said Aristocats was better than The Lion King

@House_Feminist: My 5 year old is stuck inside a duvet cover right now so I think I'm going to go for a walk and just let Darwin solve this one.

@House_Feminist: I hope people think my toddler has a slight English accent bc we're so cultured and not bc she's basically been raised by Peppa Pig

@House_Feminist: (Man hobbles into grocery store using a cane)
5: HEY MOM THAT MAN IS USING A WALKING STICK BC HIS BONES AREN'T STRONG & HE'LL DIE SOON RIGHT

@House_Feminist: 1day I'll be thankful my daughter is an independent iron willed human w/an unrelenting strong voice,but not today, not in this grocery store