Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of House_Feminist's best tweets

@House_Feminist : Thanks McDonald’s for adding two order lanes that require everyone to cooperate and merge so I can be driven to a blinding rage and lose faith in humanity all before I get my fries

@House_Feminist: If you want my kids to actually act thankful on Thanksgiving serve kraft mac n cheese, goldfish and apple
juice.

@House_Feminist: My friend told me he doesn't believe in having children so now I'm wondering if other people can see mine or if it's just me

@House_Feminist: when swimming in the ocean always wear a hat so you don't get sharks in your hair

@House_Feminist: My wish is for all women to love and accept their bodies but also for my body to be objectively the best even tho I'll be v humble about it

@House_Feminist: "They say some of history's greatest minds could function on very little sleep" I explain to squirrel as I water the car at 4am

@House_Feminist: Imagine having a baby that didn't photograph well for Instagram. What a waste.

@House_Feminist: [introducing my children]

...and these cuties here are the 3 times I tried sex

@House_Feminist: A lonely rooster sees neon sign flashing HOT CHICKEN STRIPS, walks into Popeyes and cringes in horror as he drops his dollar bills