Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of House_Feminist's best tweets

@House_Feminist : Me: this is my favorite place to do cartwheels but you have to watch out for the rocks Date: those are headstones

@House_Feminist: overheard my 7yo telling a friend he speaks Italian but what the friend doesn’t know is to my son speaking Italian just means shouting “ITSA ME! MARIO!”

@House_Feminist: If science is so great how come they haven’t invented a way to compliment someone’s smell without sounding like a serial killer

@House_Feminist: are we supposed to just accept that gingerbread men live in houses built from the flesh of their fellow men

@House_Feminist: god I wish I was the person I believed I could be when I bought all this produce

@House_Feminist: remember you can close your eyes and imagine a mouse holding a cocktail umbrella walking across a spaghetti noodle tight rope any time you want. no one can stop you

@House_Feminist: Whenever a tweet doesn't do well initially I think "weird, every single person on the internet must be busy right now"

@House_Feminist: It’s fucked up that probably everyone believes their pets share their political views

@House_Feminist: Thanks McDonald’s for adding two order lanes that require everyone to cooperate and merge so I can be driven to a blinding rage and lose faith in humanity all before I get my fries

@House_Feminist: If you want my kids to actually act thankful on Thanksgiving serve kraft mac n cheese, goldfish and apple