Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of IRLPepperMD's best tweets

@IRLPepperMD : *parents come into my room* "We need to talk to you… We think you're an owl." *turns neck all the way around to face them* "Who- I MEAN WHY"

@IRLPepperMD: [guy wearing a ski mask holds a gun to my head] "please go skiing with me I am so alone"

@IRLPepperMD: "You think I'm immature? Well, you know what! Our relationship is-"

*holds up imaginary walky-talky*

"Chhh-over."

@IRLPepperMD: *talking to mailman*
So are you like, made of mail?
*mailman laughs* "sure, kid"
So that must mean..
*fireman & garbageman walk by*
Holy shi

@IRLPepperMD: *sees spider in the shower*
Oh jeez I'm sorry lock the door next time buddy

@IRLPepperMD: [911 call]
IM GETTING EATEN-
*pause*
Ok one sec.
*holds phone away from mouth*
Are you an alligator or a crocodile?
*pause*
Cool. ITS A CRO-

@IRLPepperMD: "This is the police! Put your hands up where I can see 'em!"
"But I can't-"
"Now!"
*t-rex panics*