Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of Illiter8's best tweets

@Illiter8 : Only my husband would walk up to my gynecologist in Costco, point at me, give him the two thumbs up while grinning and say, 'Nice one, huh?'

@Illiter8: Oh, you thought my hair twirling was flirting?
Actually, it was just me checking for split ends because you were boring the shit out of me.

@Illiter8: When wearing a logo or clever t-shirt, make sure your rack looks good.
No one likes reading stuff on a lumpy, wavy surface.
You too, ladies.

@Illiter8: It's like my dad always said, "How did you get this number?!"

@Illiter8: What possible bit about trying to buy a large number of ice cream containers and two boxes of tampons says I want to chat you up, douchebag?

@Illiter8: The tattoos in your shirtless avi say 'bad boy'; the flowered wallpaper behind you scream 'living in mom's sewing room'.