Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

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Page of InternetHippo's best tweets

@InternetHippo : [Martian welcoming party] We’re so excited to welcome our friends from Ear—ok it’s another robot car everybody. Why do they keep doing this

@InternetHippo: CNN, 1939: Invading Poland made him sexy ;)

CNN, 1940: Hitler has developed a disturbing penchant for invasions

@InternetHippo: Me (bumping into someone): Oh no, I’m sorry. Sorry. So very sorry

Talent scout for brand’s social media job: Young man, what’s your name

@InternetHippo: cute girl: hello
my mouth: hel—
brain: nice job buddy you’re almost there
mouth: —vetica
brain: what the hell

@InternetHippo: If all millennials suddenly died the next day’s article would be “How millennials are driving up funeral costs”

@InternetHippo: me: our president is dumb as hell, he’s always tweeting

you: you’re always tweeting

me: i’m…that’s different

@InternetHippo: I’m in pretty good shape [lie detector buzzes] Yesterday I sneezed too hard and now my neck hurts

@InternetHippo: groundhog: sorry guys, 6 more weeks of winter

everyone (sunbathing in february): ok

@InternetHippo: [hell]
Satan: Everybody get online & read stuff that makes you mad for eternity
Guy next to me: Nooooo
Me: I trained my whole life for this

@InternetHippo: I woke up in the middle of the night to jot down this million dollar idea