Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of InternetHippo's best tweets

@InternetHippo : [hell] Satan: Everybody get online & read stuff that makes you mad for eternity Guy next to me: Nooooo Me: I trained my whole life for this

@InternetHippo: I woke up in the middle of the night to jot down this million dollar idea

@InternetHippo: If Trump is so bad why does he visit a homeless shelter every day? [someone whispers in my ear] I am now being told it’s to taunt them

@InternetHippo: me: trump is a thin skinned psychopath who will destroy the world at the slightest provocation

also me: let’s make him mad lol

@InternetHippo: [thoughts of person talking to me]: He's furrowing his brow, he must really be listening!

[my brain]: How do cows make cheese

@InternetHippo: EARTH: Let's just be friends
MOON: Ok I understand [circles the earth for 4 billion years]

@InternetHippo: Using Craigslist can get you murdered, but that’s only one of its many advantages

@InternetHippo: GOD: Peter, you will be heaven’s bouncer
ST PETER: What the hell, I don’t want—
ST BERNARD (whispering): Shut up or he’ll make you a dog

@InternetHippo: Am I a good person? No. But do I try to be better every single day? Also no

@InternetHippo: "Do you want to have fun but also get more mad than you've ever been in your life?" - video games