Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of InternetHippo's best tweets

@InternetHippo : [fingers tented under chin] What can I tweet that won't make people yell at me [starts typing] Hello [brick flies through my window]

@InternetHippo: Politics is so confrontational now. I miss the old days, when we settled our differences with *raises glasses to look at history book* war

@InternetHippo: *clicks on video called How to Cut a Pineaple* This is what I need

Video (32:56): The pineapple first appeared in South America over 500 ye

@InternetHippo: superhero movie: this already insanely hot person discovers they have numerous additional gifts

me: this is relatable as hell

@InternetHippo: before twitter: i’m the most miserable person on earth

after twitter: i’m…not even in the top 50%

@InternetHippo: me: i just love traveling!

my basketball coach: that’s what i want to talk to you about

@InternetHippo: Internships are useful for a résumé. When you apply for a real job, they'll be like, "I see you worked for free a lot, are you an idiot?"

@InternetHippo: doctor: your wife has gone into labour

me: oh no

wife (yelling from a distance): RAISE THE MINIMUM WAGE

@InternetHippo: Me: Going to stop being mad. Maybe take up meditation

Person in front of me at Chipotle: I'm ordering for 5 people

Me: I will kill you

@InternetHippo: ME: People should be able to say what they want w/o consequences, that’s the essence of free speech
SOMEONE: You suck
ME: Call the police