Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of InternetHippo's best tweets

@InternetHippo : [boss hands me some work] ME: Oh no thank you

@InternetHippo: I don't get movies where people switch bodies and they're like "Ahh I gotta get my old body back" if I could ditch this decrepit nightmare I'd be like lol bye

@InternetHippo: The dinosaurs didnt “rule the earth” they were just alive stop giving them credit for administrative skills they almost certainly didnt have

@InternetHippo: Bad guy (punches me while i’m strapped to the torture chair): Do it! Disrespect women!
Me (spitting out a tooth): No

@InternetHippo: everyone (crying, begging): please…you cannot be both hot and nice. just pick one
me: no

@InternetHippo: Store Clerk: Happy holidays
Me (angrily): Merry…CHRISTMAS
Clerk (even angrier): SEASON’S GREETINGS
[we just start choking each other]

@InternetHippo: Me: I am a taxpayer. I pay your salary. You work for ME

Waiter who’s refusing to bring me extra rolls: None of that is true

@InternetHippo: Me for many years: I wish my friends were interested in politics

Now that all my friends are interested in politics: Oh this sucks actually

@InternetHippo: [creating x-men]
A wheelchair-bound visionary leads his people through a major conflict
"That's literally WWII"
Ok then…one guy has claws