@Ivsy01: Her: I need advice.
Me: (eating cookie dough for breakfast) You came to the right person.
@Ivsy01: A guy in line just asked me to hold his coffee and I'm like I'm not looking for anything serious right now.
@Ivsy01: Ed Sheeran: Darling, I will be loving you 'til we're 70...
What girls hear: You're gonna dump me at 71.
@Ivsy01: Him: How was your day?
Me: (watching a movie about a shark trapped in a grocery store) Very busy.
@Ivsy01: People used to have to hunt for food now its like omg two people are in line ahead of me at Starbucks.
@Ivsy01: Breaking up
(be mature, be mature, be mature)
Me: (eating chips) you can't use the carpool lane anymore.
@Ivsy01: Keep it mysterious, ladies...
Him: See you next time. Me: Maybe.
Him: Do you want your receipt?