Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of Ivsy01's best tweets

@Ivsy01 : Him: How was your day? Me: (watching a movie about a shark trapped in a grocery store) Very busy.

@Ivsy01: Just send him 60 texts explaining how you understand he needs his alone time.

@Ivsy01: People used to have to hunt for food now its like omg two people are in line ahead of me at Starbucks.

@Ivsy01: Breaking up

(be mature, be mature, be mature)

Me: (eating chips) you can't use the carpool lane anymore.

@Ivsy01: Keep it mysterious, ladies...

Him: See you next time. Me: Maybe.

Him: Do you want your receipt?

@Ivsy01: (Writing in food journal)

me: for lunch I had sa.........
trainer: (interrupting) salad. awesome.
me: sake.

@Ivsy01: People who try to beat you when walking into a store. No.

@Ivsy01: Me:(Standing on a Bosu Ball at bootcamp) No one tells us what to do.

Trainer(rolling eyes) Rene, get down. You asked me to teach this.

@Ivsy01: What's your favorite song?-Me, to a baby wearing a Metallica shirt at the grocery store.

@Ivsy01: A guy in line next to me just asked me to hold his coffee and I'm like I'm not looking for anything serious right now.