Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of J0hnnyBlaze's best tweets

@J0hnnyBlaze : If we make guns illegal, then nobody will get shot anymore. That's how we stopped everybody from doing drugs

@J0hnnyBlaze: When people with bible quotes in their bio follow me...I don't know man. I think you're gonna have a bad time

@J0hnnyBlaze: Home Alone is my favorite movie about how child neglect and bad parenting is hilarious

@J0hnnyBlaze: The word "beard" comes from an old Latin phrase meaning "sit on my face"

@J0hnnyBlaze: 10:00pm

*gets a snack*

10:01pm

*turns on tv*

10:02pm

*glances at twitter for 8 seconds*

February

@J0hnnyBlaze: If she didn't reply to any of your 20 texts, she probably doesn't have good cell service. Definitely don't stop texting her

@J0hnnyBlaze: How do girls remember every word of an argument? I don't remember what I had for dinner and I'm eating it now

@J0hnnyBlaze: "Omg, I literally just died"

-people who literally don't know what literally means

@J0hnnyBlaze: Me: "Excuse me, hi"
Her: "Um, I have a boyfriend"
Me: "Good for you. I was trying to say your herpes cream fell out of your purse"