Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of JKickinit30's best tweets

@JKickinit30 : I like to assert dominance on elevators by facing everyone and doing subtle hip thrusts.

@JKickinit30: Missionary is good if you’re into helping small countries rebuild.

@JKickinit30: I just want a shirt pocket chipmunk who flips people off and I reward him with pistachios cuz he’s worth it.

@JKickinit30: Personal Jesus is my favourite song about people who try to hoard little baby Jesus.

@JKickinit30: The perks of being single:
* not having to share the remote
* sleeping diagonal in bed
* never having to clear browser history

@JKickinit30: What!? You didn't say crust fund?

*awkwardly gathers pizza crusts*

@JKickinit30: It's amazing when you hug someone you haven't seen in decades. It's also embarrassing when it's not the person you thought it was.

@JKickinit30: *takes big toke of joint*

Waitress: Sir... that's a burrito.

@JKickinit30: *touches your nose*
*touches your mouth*
*touches your forehead*

Them: Why are you touching me?

Me: Gotta be a mute button somewhere