Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of Jake_Vig's best tweets

@Jake_Vig : I didn’t set my clocks back. I’m writing this from one hour in your future. We have jet packs.

@Jake_Vig: Someone just gave the agenda for the "third half" of our meeting. Guessing it won't involve fractions.

@Jake_Vig: The correct amount of coffee is the amount where, if you perished, your heart would continue to beat for a good 2-3 days.

@Jake_Vig: The correct response to “I love you” is “prove it”

@Jake_Vig: It would be easier if they just reported which parts of the globe aren't on fire and don't have hurricanes.

@Jake_Vig: WHERE WAS OBAMA DURING THE SAN FRANCISCO EARTHQUAKE OF 1906???

@Jake_Vig: DR: Your cholesterol is high. What have you been eating?

ME: Mostly cholesterol.

@Jake_Vig: The woman in line behind apparently wants to slowly put her body inside of mine.

@Jake_Vig: If taking off your pants doesn't solve your problems, get different problems.