@Jake_Vig: I forget how hitchhiking works- do I murder them or do they murder me? I don’t want it to be awkward.
@Jake_Vig: [crime scene]
BATMAN: Who the hell are you?
MANBAT: Who the hell are YOU?
BATMAN: I’m Batman. A man who dresses like a bat.
MANBAT: I’m Manbat. A bat who dresses like a man.
BATBAT: Who the hell are you two?
@Jake_Vig: SUPER-VILLAIN: Join me! Together we would be unstoppable!
SUPER-VILLAIN: What's that now?
HERO: I'm in
SUPER-VILLAIN: Oh. I wasn't really prepared for you to accept.
HERO: My therapist said to try new things
SUPER-VILLAIN: This is awkward
HERO: I'll get my stuff
@Jake_Vig: When I unsubscribe from an e-mail list, and they have one of those annoying surveys asking for a reason why I unsubscribed, I click "Other" and write "I used to make sweet love to your CEO and these e-mails are a painful reminder of our time together."
@Jake_Vig: If you ever light anything on fire accidentally, just tell people you're boycotting something.
@Jake_Vig: New trend:
It’s the opposite of ghosting. You break up, but hang around relentlessly.
@Jake_Vig: GROUND CONTROL: Major Tom how you doin' up there?
MAJOR TOM: Floating in a most peculiar way. The stars look very different today...
GROUND CONTROL: *hits mute button* Again with this guy. *releases button* That's great. How 'bout we run through some flight diagnostics?