@Jarhead44: "Grandpa, I can't stop thinking about Santa's sack."
Me: Aww, sweetie. Run along now. Grandpa has to put that on the internet.
@Jarhead44: Me: I heard it's 80 degrees already.
CW: My phone says 81.
Me: Ya know, someday I'm going to eat a hot dog right over your grave.
@Jarhead44: Good morning to everyone except people that eat while leaving you a voicemail.
@Jarhead44: If you ever wondered how long it takes for an over-heated microwave burrito to cool off, the answer is 37 days.
@Jarhead44: My dog sure acts tough for an animal whose natural habitat is on the couch under his blankie.