@JasonLastname: First thing on my bucket list is to jump off a cliff and the rest are just tricks I'll do in the air.
@JasonLastname: I hate when you forget to wear a belt and have to shoot heroin using the blood pressure machine at walgreens.
@JasonLastname: It's not illegal to tell a ghost story when a cop shines a flashlight in your face
@JasonLastname: Whoever invented popcorn deserves the Medal of Honor for not panicking after the first 45 seconds.
@JasonLastname: [Batman's parents return after 40 years]
Surprise!! Wait, wtf are you wearing?
@JasonLastname: 1. have a child
2. never mention it on facebook
3. dress it in old-timey clothes and have it stand in the background of all your photos
@JasonLastname: LOST DOG: 4 year old border collie. Still living at home but doesn't know what to do with his life.