Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets
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@JasonLastname : Guys named Hugh are 75% ugh
@JasonLastname: If Edgar Allen Poe didn't have a cat named Poepurry, then I question him as a writer.
@JasonLastname: First thing on my bucket list is to jump off a cliff and the rest are just tricks I'll do in the air.
@JasonLastname: I hate when you forget to wear a belt and have to shoot heroin using the blood pressure machine at walgreens.
@JasonLastname: It's not illegal to tell a ghost story when a cop shines a flashlight in your face
@JasonLastname: Whoever invented popcorn deserves the Medal of Honor for not panicking after the first 45 seconds.
@JasonLastname: Sasquatch is just a regular quatch who tells it like it is.
@JasonLastname: [Batman's parents return after 40 years]
Surprise!! Wait, wtf are you wearing?
@JasonLastname: 1. have a child
2. never mention it on facebook
3. dress it in old-timey clothes and have it stand in the background of all your photos
@JasonLastname: *shakes the ATM like it's a vending machine*