Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of JasonLastname's best tweets

@JasonLastname : If Edgar Allen Poe didn't have a cat named Poepurry, then I question him as a writer.

@JasonLastname: First thing on my bucket list is to jump off a cliff and the rest are just tricks I'll do in the air.

@JasonLastname: I hate when you forget to wear a belt and have to shoot heroin using the blood pressure machine at walgreens.

@JasonLastname: It's not illegal to tell a ghost story when a cop shines a flashlight in your face

@JasonLastname: Whoever invented popcorn deserves the Medal of Honor for not panicking after the first 45 seconds.

@JasonLastname: Sasquatch is just a regular quatch who tells it like it is.

@JasonLastname: [Batman's parents return after 40 years]
Surprise!! Wait, wtf are you wearing?

@JasonLastname: 1. have a child
2. never mention it on facebook
3. dress it in old-timey clothes and have it stand in the background of all your photos

@JasonLastname: LOST DOG: 4 year old border collie. Still living at home but doesn't know what to do with his life.