Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of JasonLastname's best tweets

@JasonLastname : It's sad your dad left but it could be way worse. What if, instead, you kept getting dads? Every day, until your house was packed with dads.

@JasonLastname: [sitting at bar next to cute woman]
You remind me of my late wife.
"Oh I'm so sorry."
Don't be, *looks across restaurant* there she is now.

@JasonLastname: If Edgar Allen Poe didn't have a cat named Poepurry, then I question him as a writer.

@JasonLastname: First thing on my bucket list is to jump off a cliff and the rest are just tricks I'll do in the air.

@JasonLastname: I hate when you forget to wear a belt and have to shoot heroin using the blood pressure machine at walgreens.

@JasonLastname: It's not illegal to tell a ghost story when a cop shines a flashlight in your face

@JasonLastname: Whoever invented popcorn deserves the Medal of Honor for not panicking after the first 45 seconds.

@JasonLastname: Sasquatch is just a regular quatch who tells it like it is.

@JasonLastname: [Batman's parents return after 40 years]
Surprise!! Wait, wtf are you wearing?