Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of Jay_FrickinLynn's best tweets

@Jay_FrickinLynn : *slams hands on table* HOW DID BUZZ KNOW TO FREEZE AROUND HUMANS IF HE DIDN'T KNOW HE WAS A TOY, CAROL?

@Jay_FrickinLynn: [During Interview]
"Do you have any questions?"
- Yeah, inTitanic why did Jack sink when he died but everyone else floated?

@Jay_FrickinLynn: Me: We broke up.

Male Friend: You okay? You need to talk? Shoulder to cry on? You want to come over? Go to dinner? Sleep with me finally?

@Jay_FrickinLynn: Me: Hi
Kid:
M: Still? It's been a week
K: YOUR FIRST INSTINCT DURING A CAR ACCIDENT WAS TO PROTECT YOUR PHONE!
M: You didn't die. Calm down.

@Jay_FrickinLynn: [Giving a toast]
"It was when I was entering blackout that I realized I forgot the Plan B at home. Happy 1st birthday, you little accident."

@Jay_FrickinLynn: M: If I cashew looking through my windows agai-
H: What?
M: I saw you pecan!
H: No, I wasn-
M: You're macadamian me mad.
H: You're nuts.

@Jay_FrickinLynn: Me: Good night, moon.

[30 mins later]

Moon: I thought you went to bed. I saw you favorite that tweet. Why aren't you reading my messages?

@Jay_FrickinLynn: Jesus: Give them fingernails in case they start itching.

God: Alright, but wouldn't it be funny if they couldn't reach their backs?

@Jay_FrickinLynn: [At make-up counter]
But does this lipstick come off of a taint?