@Jay_FrickinLynn: [During Interview]
"Do you have any questions?"
- Yeah, inTitanic why did Jack sink when he died but everyone else floated?
@Jay_FrickinLynn: Me: We broke up.
Male Friend: You okay? You need to talk? Shoulder to cry on? You want to come over? Go to dinner? Sleep with me finally?
@Jay_FrickinLynn: Me: Hi
M: Still? It's been a week
K: YOUR FIRST INSTINCT DURING A CAR ACCIDENT WAS TO PROTECT YOUR PHONE!
M: You didn't die. Calm down.
@Jay_FrickinLynn: [Giving a toast]
"It was when I was entering blackout that I realized I forgot the Plan B at home. Happy 1st birthday, you little accident."
@Jay_FrickinLynn: M: If I cashew looking through my windows agai-
M: I saw you pecan!
H: No, I wasn-
M: You're macadamian me mad.
H: You're nuts.
@Jay_FrickinLynn: Me: Good night, moon.
[30 mins later]
Moon: I thought you went to bed. I saw you favorite that tweet. Why aren't you reading my messages?
@Jay_FrickinLynn: Jesus: Give them fingernails in case they start itching.
God: Alright, but wouldn't it be funny if they couldn't reach their backs?