@JediGigi: Him: You smell good. What are you wearing?
Me: Just a bit of Ham & Cheese Hot Pocket.
@JediGigi: Him: Guess what.
Me: You got me a dozen puppies?
Him: Uh no.
Me: 2 dozen puppies?
Me: 3 dozen?
Me: OMG 4 DOZEN PUPPIES?
@JediGigi: The sex was going great until he questioned why I was making my storm trooper action figures kiss across his forehead.
@JediGigi: Her: I'm really upset. I need some sound advice from my smart and trusted friend.
Me: [mouthful of Doritos] Who dat gonna be?
@JediGigi: [points at crying baby]
I used to be just like you, and no, it doesn't get better.
@JediGigi: Me: [I run into the break room at work] You! You have summoned me! I am here.
Me: You just summoned me. I heard you.
Coworker: I opened a can of Spaghettios.
@JediGigi: Me: [being murdered]
Murderer: Ok you have got to stop smiling. It’s really starting to creep me out.