Funny Tweeter

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Page of JediGigi's best tweets

@JediGigi : Hell hath no fury like a woman being told she looks tired.

@JediGigi: Her: I'm really upset. I need some sound advice from my smart and trusted friend.
Me: [mouthful of Doritos] Who dat gonna be?

@JediGigi: [points at crying baby]

I used to be just like you, and no, it doesn't get better.

@JediGigi: Me: [I run into the break room at work] You! You have summoned me! I am here.

Coworker: What?

Me: You just summoned me. I heard you.

Coworker: I opened a can of Spaghettios.

Me: Yes.

@JediGigi: Him: You smell nice. What is that?

Me: [twirling my hair] Cough drops

@JediGigi: Me: [being murdered]

Murderer: Ok you have got to stop smiling. It’s really starting to creep me out.

@JediGigi: Crying friend: Have you ever had a really bad day?
Me: [picking dog hair out of my oatmeal] Can you be more specific?

@JediGigi: "JELLYFISH ARE NOT MADE OF JELLY AND ALSO THEY ARE NOT VERY NICE!"--I scream from my swollen mouth

@JediGigi: [1st date]
Him: What do you do for fun?
Me: I like pretending I'm someone else.
Him: Wow? You do impersonations?
Me: No, I steal identities.

@JediGigi: Well, son, back in my day, we didn't have a fancy robot to turn the tv on for us. We only had a boomerang.