@JediGigi: [walks in to UPS store holding rabid raccoon]
Hi my boyfriend said he wants to take a break so I'd like to ship him this please.
@JediGigi: Me: You're such a good boy.
Dog: *tail wagging* Please leave the room so I can eat the couch.
@JediGigi: Him: You need to work on your communication skills
Me: [through megaphone right up in his face] PLEASE BE MORE SPECIFIC
@JediGigi: Me: Has anyone ever told you that you look like Ryan Gosling?
Him: Me? No, but thank-
Me: Ok just making sure.
@JediGigi: Mom said I should only date "a good man" and I was like HEAVENS TO BETSY I WISH I HAD KNOWN THIS PERTINENT INFORMATION BEFORE NOW.
@JediGigi: If I wear a wizard hat and robe to my cousin's wedding this weekend, I bet no one asks me if I'm next.
@JediGigi: [he picks me up on 1st date]
Him: What do you have there?
Me: [struggling, crawling to his car because my backpack is weighing me down] Ham.
@JediGigi: Me: [uncontrollable sobbing] I can't see you anymore. I won't let you hurt me again.
Trainer: It was a sit-up. You did 1 sit-up.