Funny Tweeter

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Page of JediGigi's best tweets

@JediGigi : Him: How'd you get so cute? Me: I-I-my gosh, I really don't know. I'm not very good at biology.

@JediGigi: Mom asked me what it's like being a single middle aged woman so I took a handful of cat & dog hair from my purse and threw it in her coffee.

@JediGigi: Robber: Give me your valuables
Me: *hands him piece of paper*
Robber: What's this?
Me: My Netflix password.

@JediGigi: I always carry a jar gripper with me in case I'm ever stranded on a deserted island with a jar of salsa. I also always carry a jar of salsa.

@JediGigi: The date was going really well until he told me to stop calling it Pasghetti.

@JediGigi: [walks in to UPS store holding rabid raccoon]

Hi my boyfriend said he wants to take a break so I'd like to ship him this please.

@JediGigi: Me: You're such a good boy.
Dog: *tail wagging* Please leave the room so I can eat the couch.

@JediGigi: Him: You need to work on your communication skills

Me: [through megaphone right up in his face] PLEASE BE MORE SPECIFIC

@JediGigi: Me: Has anyone ever told you that you look like Ryan Gosling?
Him: Me? No, but thank-
Me: Ok just making sure.

@JediGigi: Mom said I should only date "a good man" and I was like HEAVENS TO BETSY I WISH I HAD KNOWN THIS PERTINENT INFORMATION BEFORE NOW.