Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of Jeffwni's best tweets

@Jeffwni : Keanu Reeves: THERE'S A BOMB ON THE BUS! IF WE GO UNDER 50MPH WE'LL EXPLODE! Me: [while maintaining eye contact, presses "Next Stop" signal]

@Jeffwni: [The Justice League on patrol]
Superman: Wait! I smell something fishy…
Batman:*chuckles*
Aquaman: Know what? Screw you guys. I'm going home

@Jeffwni: Snail 1: Are you male or female?
Snail 2: Yes
Snail 1: Me too!
[they kiss passionately]

@Jeffwni: Before NASA sent Curiosity, Mars was bustling with cats.

@Jeffwni: Skeletor: Nice ride
He-Man: Thanks
Skeletor: Prince Adam has a pet tiger too
He-Man: Yeah? Complete different guy though

@Jeffwni: Little Known Fact:
Bon Jovi has five brothers: Bon Joi, Bon Joii, Bon Joiii, Bon Joiv and Bon Jov

@Jeffwni: - "I love Beyoncé...

- Whatever floats your boat mate.

- No, you're thinking of 'buoyancy'.

- ..."

@Jeffwni: [job interview]
Interviewer: It says here that you are a blowfish. Would you care to expand?

@Jeffwni: - "I love Beyoncé...

- Whatever floats your boat dude.

- No, you're thinking of 'buoyancy'.

- …"

@Jeffwni: 13yo Jesus: You're not my real dad! I HATE YOU!
Joseph: One of these days boy, I'll— [distant thunder] I'll do nothing. Absolutely nothing.