@Jeffwni: [At party]
Wife: Don't pretend you're deaf again, so you don't have to talk to people
Me [in sign language]: What?
@Jeffwni: Keanu Reeves: THERE'S A BOMB ON THE BUS! IF WE GO UNDER 50MPH WE'LL EXPLODE!
Me: [while maintaining eye contact, presses "Next Stop" signal]
@Jeffwni: [The Justice League on patrol]
Superman: Wait! I smell something fishy…
Aquaman: Know what? Screw you guys. I'm going home
@Jeffwni: Snail 1: Are you male or female?
Snail 2: Yes
Snail 1: Me too!
[they kiss passionately]
@Jeffwni: Skeletor: Nice ride
Skeletor: Prince Adam has a pet tiger too
He-Man: Yeah? Complete different guy though
@Jeffwni: Little Known Fact:
Bon Jovi has five brothers: Bon Joi, Bon Joii, Bon Joiii, Bon Joiv and Bon Jov
@Jeffwni: - "I love Beyoncé...
- Whatever floats your boat mate.
- No, you're thinking of 'buoyancy'.
@Jeffwni: [job interview]
Interviewer: It says here that you are a blowfish. Would you care to expand?