Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of Jenn_H_Scott's best tweets

@Jenn_H_Scott : I want to be the kind of person who eats half a grapefruit for breakfast and runs every morning but I also want to be happy

@Jenn_H_Scott: Listen, frozen meal instructions, never in the history of owning microwaves have I known the wattage of any microwave

@Jenn_H_Scott: Me: One day, when you're older, I'm gonna come to your house and ask you for a snack every 5 min and beg you to take me places and buy me stuff constantly

9yo: ...and I'll say no to all of it, just like you do

@Jenn_H_Scott: What's it called when you fall in love with your captors, even if they're obnoxious little tyrants?

No, no, not Stockholm Syndrome.

Ah, yes... "parenting"
That's the word.

@Jenn_H_Scott: My 8yo just asked my permission to say "shit" to express his anger, so don't tell me I'm not raising a polite kid.

@Jenn_H_Scott: Me: *getting struck by lightning*

Kid: Mommy, can I have a snack?

@Jenn_H_Scott: It's okay, everyone. I know my 3yo's screams sound like his leg was run over by a lawn mower, but he's just got some fuzz stuck to his thumb

@Jenn_H_Scott: 7yo: Why can't I have coffee?

Me: It'll make u even more energetic than u already are

7: But u drink it all the time& u never have energy!