Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of Jenny4ashley's best tweets

@Jenny4ashley : I hate when people stare at me during sex. Like, seriously I don't know you.

@Jenny4ashley: Interviewer: Your resume says that you're good at multitasking

[me while painting nails]: Obvi

Interviewer: Please stop touching my nails

@Jenny4ashley: I haven't been around a baby in so long I can't even remember how to put their leash on.

@Jenny4ashley: Sure, I'd take a bullet for you, but how does robbing an ammunition store prove my love?

@Jenny4ashley: Try explaining to your kid why you're taking a bath with a cucumber then come talk to me about your problems.

@Jenny4ashley: My boyfriend is so rude. He hasn't even introduced himself to me yet.

@Jenny4ashley: I almost drowned trying to swim today. The security guard didn't even care he just told me to get the hell out of the mall fountain.

@Jenny4ashley: Joke's on you, jerk that sold me oregano instead of weed. I was going to make pizza sauce anyway.

@Jenny4ashley: Romeo and Juliet is my favorite story about how when you fall in love, it's best to just kill yourself.

@Jenny4ashley: Of course you can be anything you wanna be. That's how delusions work.