@Jenny4ashley: Interviewer: Your resume says that you're good at multitasking
[me while painting nails]: Obvi
Interviewer: Please stop touching my nails
@Jenny4ashley: I haven't been around a baby in so long I can't even remember how to put their leash on.
@Jenny4ashley: Sure, I'd take a bullet for you, but how does robbing an ammunition store prove my love?
@Jenny4ashley: Try explaining to your kid why you're taking a bath with a cucumber then come talk to me about your problems.
@Jenny4ashley: I almost drowned trying to swim today. The security guard didn't even care he just told me to get the hell out of the mall fountain.
@Jenny4ashley: Joke's on you, jerk that sold me oregano instead of weed. I was going to make pizza sauce anyway.
@Jenny4ashley: Romeo and Juliet is my favorite story about how when you fall in love, it's best to just kill yourself.