Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of JimmySelfDest's best tweets

@JimmySelfDest : Excruciating cashier small talk; brought to you by chip card readers.

@JimmySelfDest: Fight club. Only naps instead. Rules the same. Just no fights. Only secret, uninterrupted glorious naps.

@JimmySelfDest: Mother in law found me... On the twitter

This will be converted into a pineapple upside down cake blog for the next 72 hours.

I'm so sorry

@JimmySelfDest: *loses beer

*opens new beer

*finds old beer

*drinks 2 beers

I win

@JimmySelfDest: I tripped over the dog a second ago and am hurting a little.Web md has it narrowed down to a sprained uterus or a dislocated cervix. So..