@Jmboyd58: *wife runs back into our house which is on fire*
What are you doing!?
W: I just want to straighten up a little before the firemen get here
@Jmboyd58: 2nd month dating: A thousand lifetimes with you would not be enough.
2nd month of marriage: OMG you are the loudest cereal chewer on earth!
@Jmboyd58: Jesus take the wheel...let the clutch out easy
Wow, water to wine but no manual transmission
Jesus: Don't test my mercy
@Jmboyd58: When I die I want to be cremated and my ashes spread all over my bedroom...so my wife can clean up after me one more time.
@Jmboyd58: *driving my date to the ER*
I told you my possum doesn't like direct eye contact. This one is on you.
@Jmboyd58: *Jesus multiplies a loaf of bread for the masses*
From the back: Actually I'm gluten free now.
Jesus: ughhh, someone get me a fish