@JohnMayer: If you’re pretty, you’re pretty; but the only way to be beautiful is to be loving. Otherwise, it’s just “congratulations about your face.”
@JohnMayer: gunshot loudness: 160 decibels
Accidentally dropping down toilet seat rim: 8,000
@JohnMayer: Yogurt does nothing. Creamy nonsense. You ever finished a yogurt cup and felt like it made a difference? Like throwing a shoe at a bear.
@JohnMayer: Them: “when are you back?” You: “next week.” (Week passes) You: “I’m back, let’s hang.” Them: “how long are you here?”
@JohnMayer: I understand that t-shirt guns exist but what about shooting pants at people? This seems useful too