Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of Just_Lee_'s best tweets

@Just_Lee_ : If she says "well you're too busy to chat so have a good day" ..what she means is she hopes it's a good day for your hair to catch on fire.

@Just_Lee_: The fastest way to find out if your wife is just pretending to be asleep to avoid sex is to pick up her phone and start scrolling.

@Just_Lee_: Nothing says "We have no faith in our own products" like using a 16 year old girl in your anti-aging cream commercials.

@Just_Lee_: When someone is murdered, the police investigate the spouse first.

And that tells you everything you need to know about marriage.

@Just_Lee_: When I think of you, I touch myself.

With my finger.

In the back of my throat to help me vomit because you make me nauseous.

@Just_Lee_: When someone is in a bad mood, I like to help matters by pointing out several times that they seem to be in a bad mood.

@Just_Lee_: It's pretty neat how owning a pool gives me an excuse to own every chemical needed to make a body completely disappear.

@Just_Lee_: If Bruce Willis does any more Die Hard movies it will just be 90 minutes of him sitting in a rocking chair waiting to die from the flu.

@Just_Lee_: Don't say you love me unless you have bought me a miniature donkey. Without the donkey, they are just empty, meaningless words.