Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of Kali_Mura's best tweets

@Kali_Mura : Cop: So, I’m writing a ticket for driving alone in the car pool lane. Me: You’re going to feel really stupid when you look in my trunk.

@Kali_Mura: Me: Dark Lord, I am your devoted servant. Please accept this sacrifice as proof of my --

Satan: I have a girlfriend.

@Kali_Mura: Every time I get a paper cut, I know somewhere a tree is laughing.

@Kali_Mura: I killed my twin because she wouldn't admit that she was the evil one.

@Kali_Mura: I'm beginning to suspect that my boyfriend is not really a ninja & that he moved out nine month ago.