Funny Tweeter

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Page of KarenKilgariff's best tweets

@KarenKilgariff : compared to the rest of 2017 the Fyre Festival was a high point

@KarenKilgariff: A dog barks in the distance. I look over at my own dogs.
“See how annoying that is?”

@KarenKilgariff: LIFE HACK: If a public restroom is locked, violently yank the door handle over and over like a gorilla and never accept that it's occupied

@KarenKilgariff: My sister teaches 1st grade. A boy in her class had a tantrum and screamed "I hate you!" and she gently replied "I know. It doesn't matter."

@KarenKilgariff: RSVP: ⚪️yes ⚪️no ⚫️yes now but then no later on

@KarenKilgariff: Watch The Walking Dead with someone who's super into it so every time a zombie appears you can pull the old, "Wait, who's this now?"

@KarenKilgariff: FAKE BREEDS I'VE TOLD PEOPLE MY DOG IS AT THE DOG PARK: Venetian Dabney, Brown Feta, Waxbeard, Oxnard Pike, Blue Hustler, High Presbyterian

@KarenKilgariff: When you die, you walk down a tunnel of light and then that sentient paperclip from MS Word pops up and asks you what you want to do next.