Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of KateWhineHall's best tweets

@KateWhineHall : I've been married to my husband for 16 years and just learned he doesn't like ice cream cones. What in the hell have we been talking about all this time?

@KateWhineHall: Tom's of Maine is a really good deodorant to buy if you don't mind spending a little extra to smell like you don't use deodorant.

@KateWhineHall: I cleaned off the top of my desk so I'd feel like I accomplished something. Now I just have to clean up the floor where I threw everything.

@KateWhineHall: Using self-checkout lane so I don't have to interact with anyone.

Scans first item.

Register: ... "Please wait for assistance."

@KateWhineHall: OMG, MY DAUGHTER IS DYING!

Oh, my bad, it's just her reaction to having to do a chore.

@KateWhineHall: Yesterday I watched a clip about a 71-year-old female body builder.

Today I used my pants as a napkin because the couch was too far from the kitchen.

@KateWhineHall: Pro tip-If you bring a toy boat into a hot tub and repeatedly reenact the Titanic, in a few mins you'll have the entire hot tub to yourself.

@KateWhineHall: I just searched for a picture of "desserts" and a photo of grapes popped up. What kind of sick person has grapes for dessert?

@KateWhineHall: "You're a HORRIBLE parent!"

- my daughter because I won't let her use a chainsaw to make a treehouse.