Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of KateWhineHall's best tweets

@KateWhineHall : Pro tip-If you bring a toy boat into a hot tub and repeatedly reenact the Titanic, in a few mins you'll have the entire hot tub to yourself.

@KateWhineHall: I just searched for a picture of "desserts" and a photo of grapes popped up. What kind of sick person has grapes for dessert?

@KateWhineHall: "You're a HORRIBLE parent!"

- my daughter because I won't let her use a chainsaw to make a treehouse.

@KateWhineHall: "We only had 5 channels and no remote" is the new "I walked uphill both ways, barefoot to school when I was a kid."

@KateWhineHall: Advice for life:
1. Be kind.
2. Be brave.
3. Make sure your garage door is all the way up before backing out.

@KateWhineHall: If I ever really want my kids' attention I can just make a YouTube video of me "unboxing" whatever I need to say.

@KateWhineHall: A fun thing to do is sign your kids up for a class they're dying to take and then listen to them complain about it for the next 8 weeks.

@KateWhineHall: Calls for kids: Nobody responds.

Gets on phone: Two kids yelling for me while fighting, the other asking what's for dinner when it's 9 am.

@KateWhineHall: 7yo: You count to 20 and I'll hide.
Me: Ok. [Starts counting.]
[Goes downstairs to drink coffee and eat cookies.]

@KateWhineHall: To make up for all the junk I ate over the weekend, I plan to run 86 miles today.