Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

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Page of KattsDogma's best tweets

@KattsDogma : I like my eggs like I like my nose: runny. Wait. That's not right. I like my eggs like I like my tigers: poached. Huh? No! I like my eggs li

@KattsDogma: [New Job Diary]
Day 1: They all seem very ni-SOMEONE TOOK MY LUNCH MY LUNCH IS GONE SOMEONE STOLE MY-oh wait nvm there it i-MY STAPLERS GONE

@KattsDogma: All sex is "make up sex" if you don't know what you're doing.

@KattsDogma: "I'm sorry I named my daughter 'Paige.' It seemed funny at the time."
- a confession of Nat Turner

@KattsDogma: I started a book club. A coloring book club. There's a line to get in. We're never on the same page. Nothing's black & white. We're well red

@KattsDogma: If I owned a Brazilian waxing joint, I'd call it Pubic's Cube or The Razor's Edge or Hedging Your Bets or Getting a Leg Up or Bush League or

@KattsDogma: Guys! I finally dusted my bedroom! And guess what? I HAVE A NIGHTSTAND!!!

@KattsDogma: Photographer: Ok. You two hold hands, & u, in the back, hold a gun to that guy's head. Nice. I'll add blush in post.

@KattsDogma: If I owned a moving company, I'd call it 'Van Gogh.'

@KattsDogma: DA: Where r my legal briefs?
Paralegal *hands him his boxers*
Judge: lol
Jury: We're hung
Judge: ha!
DA: Balls in your court
Judge: DO MORE!