Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of KayRants's best tweets

@KayRants : One of my greatest fears is my alarm clock learning how to defend itself.

@KayRants: If you send multiple one sentence texts, I will mail a raccoon to your face I'm not kidding.

@KayRants: I need to stop seeing caution tape as some kind of finish line.

@KayRants: People that live in glass houses have tons of dead birds on their lawn.

@KayRants: I'll apologize for last night right after you tell me which parts you still remember.

@KayRants: Every time I get an eyelash in my eye, I'm reminded of how quickly I would die in the wild.

@KayRants: Ignoring your text is easy. It's having to park my car 8 blocks away so you think I'm not home when you drive by that's awkward.