Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of KenJennings's best tweets

@KenJennings : Thoughts and prayers to everyone in Hawaii who finally came clean w/ a spouse or partner thinking the missile was on its way.

@KenJennings: I can't believe "still uses Winamp" is a pre-existing condition now. This feels personal.

@KenJennings: I told the kids if they're not good we're flying United this summer.

@KenJennings: Thanksgiving regret: no one at dinner wanted to talk about why the family members on TV's "Dinosaurs" were all different species of dinosaur

@KenJennings: My son just told me he wouldn't kill baby Hitler b/c of what that would do to the space program. Not 100% sure if he's a Nazi or just a nerd

@KenJennings: STAR WARS SPOILERS Admiral Ackbar has gained quite a bit of weight and everyone calls him "Admiral Snackbar"

@KenJennings: Bad news, the police just seized our German holiday bread. They said it was stollen. Folks, they said it was stollen.

@KenJennings: DINNERTIME FOOD IDEAS FROM MY SON
"Can we put Nutella on our salmon and call it salmonella?"
This has been DINNERTIME FOOD IDEAS FROM MY SON

@KenJennings: Folks I'm seeing Trainwreck tomorrow night. Then after the GOP debate, I might go to the new Amy Schumer movie! Yeah, I went there

@KenJennings: ANIMALS IT'S OK TO KILL IN AFRICA
1. Mosquitoes
2. Terminally ill zebra who signed a DNR
3. The Nazi monkey from Raiders of the Lost Ark