@KevinBuffalo: *placing Trump & Hillary signs on my lawn
Neighbor: "Confused about who to vote for?"
Me: "What? No! I'm making a Halloween haunted house."
@KevinBuffalo: I don't wanna get too political here, but I plan on voting for whichever candidate will do something about Meghan Trainor.
@KevinBuffalo: Honey, I gained weight to prevent women from hitting on me. You think I want to look like this? I do this for you.
@KevinBuffalo: When my cousin came out as gay, his parents wanted him to see a psychiatrist.
Which is too bad.
Cuz he was already seeing a handsome lawyer.
@KevinBuffalo: I told my daughter we might be getting a blizzard and she asked for one with Reese's pieces
@KevinBuffalo: Me: "Can I put this sweatshirt in the dryer?"
Wife: "Well, what does it say on it?"
Me: "Buffalo Sabres."
Wife: "You're an idiot"