Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

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Page of KingRainhead's best tweets

@KingRainhead : I thought "ghosting" was when you slowly tricked someone you didn't like into thinking their apartment was haunted until they moved far away

@KingRainhead: Girl: I want bangs
Me: I want a stylist to get my hair as close to antlers as possible. Make me look like a young prince of the wooded glen

@KingRainhead: When I become a ghost, Im going to leave messages in blood, but theyre gonna be overwhelmingly positive, like "You're Doing A Great Job"

@KingRainhead: i dont care if people dislike me, but if a pet ignores me, i will hit them up nonstop & keep changing my look drastically until they love me

@KingRainhead: friend: i want a bf
me: i want to hold the reins of 2 equally powerful, beautiful horses who run w/perfectly matched paces & also respect me

@KingRainhead: boy: you have really pretty eyes...
me: *suspicious* thank you...???
boy: *leans in slowly*
me: NO!!!! You cant have them!!!!!

@KingRainhead: Boy: do u have any fantasies
Me: ok.. so.. the library of alexandria is under siege& Im a librarian whos good at fighting& I save the books

@KingRainhead: i always wear this epi pen its rly special. my friend gave it to me literally as he was dying it seemed very important to him that i have it

@KingRainhead: me: i dont want any kids
person: *low chuckle* oh, you'll change your mind.
me: *grabs them by collar* tell me more about the future, wizard