Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of KissabiX's best tweets

@KissabiX : Him: I really like Coldplay Me, trying to impress: I once fingered a corpse

@KissabiX: "She's dead to me" is not the best ending to a eulogy, I know this now.

@KissabiX: *flicks cigarette*

Listen, if the Matrix is made up of numbers & you need to understand those numbers to dodge bullets. I’m dead af.

@KissabiX: [first day as spy]

*falls asleep in bushes*

@KissabiX: [helping my only child do homework]

5: can you help?

Me: I’m awful with numbers

8: pleeeeeeeease

@KissabiX: [during sex]

Me: yeah, you like that?

Him: mmhmm yeah

Me: *stopping abruptly & pointing at his mood ring* then why is that blue?

@KissabiX: Robin: I refuse to be your side chick

Batman: ...sidekick

R: *hiding overnight bag*
oh, I'll just go and get the bat-mobile ready then

@KissabiX: The Lion King is my favourite film outlining why you shouldn't trust your uncle

@KissabiX: [creating a sloth]

God: Take that roadkill over there and make it blink

@KissabiX: [sees a lion and a witch come out of a wardrobe]

Me: what have you been up to in there?

Lion: Narnia business