Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of KoKeniSasquatch's best tweets

@KoKeniSasquatch : My luck can best be described as: Loses $50 but finds a lighter. Shit. It's empty.

@KoKeniSasquatch: I like dogs, but it's like having a permanent baby.

A cat is like having a permanent teenager.

@KoKeniSasquatch: Day 8 of quitting smoking: I have 376 gallons of blood to donate. Various types. None is mine.

@KoKeniSasquatch: Thanks to this face I've been forced to work on my personality and wit for decades.

@KoKeniSasquatch: My autocorrect changed epi to epic so this death is gonna be awesome.

@KoKeniSasquatch: Teenagers. Can't live with them. Can't get rid of them without bringing the cops around.

@KoKeniSasquatch: Dear Grocery store clerk,

What part of me searching madly and paying in nickels & dimes suggests I can donate a dollar to the food bank?

@KoKeniSasquatch: *throws caution to the wind*

*wind blows it back in my face at 100 mph*